The last week had excessively sporadic weather. It reminded me I was home. I don't feel that there are many places that can go from -35 to -5 in a day. And let me tell you, that -5 was light sweater weather, the kind of outfit you would see me wearing in 20 degrees in Australia. Oh how things change, except my clothes, they still just are tights and tops.
I can't blame the weather but I perhaps an blame my infamously awful immune system for my last 36 hours in bed. I have felt so under the weather it is ridiculous. It's one of those cold/flu things where you just ache and have zero energy and walk around like an old person. And the worst part is I know I am stressed and can't exactly change it so it has completely made me vulnerable to get and stay sick.
It is the last week. Five days and maybe two hours or less to say goodbye. Part of me wants to stay with them every second and the rest of me wants to live my tiny life this week so it will hurt the slightest bit less on Saturday. There is no solution. The social system is broken. Children are being placed in homes they shouldn't be and children live in homes they shouldn't. And in a sense I feel like I have to accept it, I can't change the whole system. All I can do is love every child that comes into my life and hope that someone they remember that love one day.
I really would like to be a little less under the weather and a little more enjoying the weather this week because I don't want my girls to miss a thing. I want them to be reminded of how much we love them and always will. I wish I saw the greater picture. But I don't. At all. So all I can is try and stress less and find even more of me to love them because they need it.
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