It Has Been A Week

One week. I havent heard a word. I kept so busy. And now I am sitting here on my bed letting it sink it. I havent seen my girls in a whole week. I havent heard their voices. I havent held them. I havent gotten to tell them I love them to the moon and back. They are gone. And I cant not replay our last moments together.

The tears started the moment we stepped in the car. I couldn't stop them. And I wanted to be supportive and I tried but all I felt was my heart breaking. I sat at the table and stared into space. You played and had no idea. We gave you giant kinder eggs and had one last goodbye. The tears poured. I told you both that I would love you forever. And we left.

I hate how much it hurts. I hate letting go. But I wouldn't give up my time with them if I knew how much it would hurt in the end. They were more than foster sisters. They were my sisters. And I will love them forever.

It still hurts. It still feels like they were just taken. I still want to cry. My chest tightens. I bought a pillow that says "Love you to the moon and back" to remind me of them. It is hard not to be reminded of them. I find pictures they drew everywhere. I keep the fox Soph drew for me in my wallet. She knew that I wanted a pet fox so randomly drew me one one night. They were so thoughtful and loving. They were such a part of our lives. I forgot what a void appears when you lose something or someone so important. I feel a little lost. I have no one to take me to the beauty salon with selective hours and do my hair and makeup. I have no one to watch little bear and the Bernstein bears with. I havent read a kids book all week. I havent stood outside the school talking to the other mothers about random things. I just feel a little lost. I just dont think much compares to that kind of love. Going to work doesnt come close to filling that void. Work is a job. Loving the girls was my life. I miss them so much and just pray that they know that I will still love them every single day for the rest of forever.