Okay, Life's a fact. People Do Fall In Love. People Do Belong To Each Other.

No matter how in depth I write this I wont be able to begin to explain to anyone what is what like. My words are so inadequate for the moments and emotions and vast beauty. However, I will make an attempt because I have a most awful memory and if I dont do this quite soon no one may ever know, except for him.

Yesterday had been an average day. Work had been busy and the highlight had been a relatively decent workout including a call with a friend that had been away. I napped after work and decided to dress down as I was meeting Kristin to look at venues. You see Jeff and I had been talking about marriage. We knew we wanted to go for it. We had looked at rings and ultimately found a jeweller that would design one for me. But that decision had only been made days earlier and I knew it would be weeks. So I was nearly content starting arrangements and impatiently waiting for a proposal.

So there I was, driving around town with Kristin looking slightly more ghetto than my usual unmade self. We looked at a few places and talked about if he would ever pop the question. When we arrived at Ralph Klein Park I felt like it wasnt the vibe we wanted for such an event but the grounds were gorgeous so I was keen to wander. Kristin needed to call her husband whom she had been texting all evening so she sent me on my way.

I had noticed a message from my dear friend Zaina so pulled out my phone and was texting her about bubble baths as I wandered, obviously paying close attention to my surroundings.

Then I noticed Jeff on the walkway I was headed towards. I had asked him earlier in the day if he could meet up with Kristin and I because he had been super particular about venues when we talked the weekend before and I felt frustrated that I couldnt find one he liked. He had told me he had a typical work meeting but would try. So I yelled out "What are you doing here?" and felt quite pleased inside that he made it to the last stop of the night. I asked about his meeting as I walked closer and then noticed A TON of spiders on the railings. Due to my arachnophobia I walked in the exact middle of the walkway over the water in attempts to not die and made several comments about the creepy spiders. It wasnt until I turned the corner towards Jeff that I saw the rose petals and candles and then heard "I will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab. 

I was confused and I teared up. I knew but I had no idea. The next few minutes were beyond anything I could say or imagine. He hugged me and told me all the things any girl would give anything to hear. And next thing I knew he was down on one knee. I was crying as he asked and honestly was in complete shock. It all had just happened so perfect and the music was going and the scenery was amazing and there we were. I finally noticed the ring and he told me it was a temporary ring until mine was finished. In complete puzzlement and fear I asked if I had to give the ring back when mine came (as the one I now had on was gorgeous) he just laughed. I didnt. This ring is to become an heirloom he said, I commented that it meant we would have to have kids then. 

As we turned around I finally realized it was an acoustic guitarist playing Death Cab for me just up above on the deck overlooking our spot. And then I saw the photographer. Someone had just taken a zillion photos of me crying.. and looking ghetto...

So hand in hand we walked inside to meet up with Kristin as we had come to check the place out. Jeff said I could freshen up but it was just Kristina and I had nothing with me so I looked in a window and wiped away some mascara and walked in with tear filled eyes.

As we walked we talked about the potential of the building with the lights coming on as we went. Then I saw the room Kristin was in as she opened the door.. the tears poured. All of our families were there along with our grandparents and closest friends. Everyone knew. Even two of my closest friends knew. They all cheered and hugged us and I cried more and it was beyond a fairytale.(Note: I had talked to all of my family yesterday separately and been with both his sisters in the last two days and no one said a word!) 

The room was all done with antique flowers and teal table cloths, and non-alcoholic lovely drinks, and cupcakes and strawberry shortcake and the ceiling was covered in balloons. And on the string of each balloon was a reason why he loved me. It was literally everything I love all together. And it was romantic. I hope the pictures can describe this better. It was a room of me basically. Like someone created my feelings and put them into objects.

So we all talked and cried and smiled and everyone told us it was about time. It was a whirlwind and the romance and perfection of it was overwhelming. It was just us like I wanted but he had prepared for a complete celebration because he knew I would want to tell my family immediately. It was so well thought out and tailored to me and there was so much magic. The guitarist had learned Death Cab  just for us and he filled our evening with a variety of songs that just made me melt. There was food and photos and our families just meshed without my help at all and everything was perfect.

I was so nervous it wouldnt have the magic I imagined or that I would feel uncomfortable telling everyone because of the attention but the truth is, Jeff knows me better than I know myself most days and he knew how to make it the most perfect thing to ever happen. And really, I feel so blessed to be planning eternity with someone so perfect for me. 

So I guess I should add that I said yes. I am gonna be a wife. And I am probably gonna cry a lot then too because I didnt know real life could involve a love like this. 

Six Hundred and My World Has Changed

Look how it all started.

I was so young, nieve, and I just wanted to be something more. Although I had absolutely no idea who I was. I was impressionable, lost and yearning. I wanted to change, so badly. But I was short sighted, even shorter tempered and couldnt possibly imagine the future that is my life now.

For awhile I used dinosaur facts to express myself, this was the beginning of that. I wanted to be different. I wanted to stand out. For someone to notice me and to see something because I couldnt see what I wanted to. I couldnt see that that someone was there all along.

I wanted love. More than anything. So I began trying to understand relationships. This was one of my better breakthroughs. Although Veronica Mars inspired the follow up post that also reminded me of what an idiot love makes me. But then there were the days when I longed for what I had before, even if it wasnt anything great, in those moments it seemed like the best thing so I often felt like JD in Scrubs.

And then I hated love. It felt tarnished and unlasting. It began something I didnt want to feel because I became another child of divorce, and I thought it was going to destroy my world.  And one day each year I let myself feel that pain and it is painful.I wondered if I would end up happy. If I would always just date the wrong people. And I pretended I didnt care that I was alone, but I was lying. And one night I realized I just hadnt found the right person at the right time. And then eventually I became less jaded.

Sometimes I was philosophical, I looked at reality and questioned it. And other days I knew that reality was a creation of both our past and our present with future minglings entwined. But most days were like this.

Amidst all of this I moved to Australia, and my house flooded. And eventually I left Australia and went home.

And now it is now. Everything has changed. This is my life. I have what I always wanted most. I have that love that I dreamed of and wrote of so often. I am still insecure and worry about my body image and feeling beautiful and about job security and if I am enough. I still stress and cry and feel pain. But I no longer feel it alone. I have someone that loves me entirely for me and because of that I think the next 600 will be full of a lot less jading and substantially less posts of ex drama.

"I'm so glad that all our feelings are true, I can't believe that you're still acting the same like we first met."

"Dont you know that true love never dies?"

Some songs are soundtracks for moments. Other's just fill the dead space. And some feel like they are your life. I was a high schooler when I first became obsessed with Houston Calls. This song felt like my everything. I was also in high school when I met the love of my life. I just didnt know it.

I like to think I am relatively intelligent. That not a lot gets past me. But lately I am realizing I missed a lot. I missed eight years. I guess I just wasnt ready. I was too into myself. The worst part isnt even that everyone else saw it except for me, it is that I took that time for granted.

We have so many memories. Nine years worth. But I have only really given note to the last 6 months. Before you were just one of my best friends. We would never be in love. You would put up with me and my sarcastic ways. You understood I wanted nothing. I just wanted to exist. In all of that time I thought he might care but I convinced myself it wasnt real. That was just how our friendship worked. He would taunt me with fake proposals knowing it would embarrass me and embarrassed I was. We would go for dinners and movies and everything couples would do but we werent a couple. And most of the time we didnt live near each other.

But know I know. I know that he loved me long before I loved myself, and way before I knew I would love him forever. He treated me like a princess when I thought princesses werent real. He waited patiently while I had to make mistakes and learn for myself. And when I was ready he gave me the chance I didnt deserve.

A lot has happened since I was 16. A lot. But the one constant feels like you. And I think Houston Calls knew that. They knew how I would one day feel long before I did. True love doesnt die. And I couldnt be happier that you know me better than I know myself most of the time. I think forever finally opened up my eyes.

You Brought Me Roses and Left The Thorns

When I first started writing in this context I had a very dear friend who was separated by two hands from me which is probably why we became so close. He had years of wisdom and life and we connected. As time progressed I wondered if I could ever find anyone more suited for me. He had everything I had ever looked for except for one thing. And everyone has to compromise. No one gets what their ideal. So I wondered if I should compromise. I mean our difference was religion. Nothing major right?

I soon learned that I wasn't sure I could compromise on that. I wasn't sure I could have everything but I thought that maybe I needed to not be feeling like I was arguing about my beliefs for the rest of forever. So I resigned myself to letting go and assuming I would have to dwindle my list of wants in a man.

I began to just date whoever. One thing in common is all that you need right? I dont think I even know what a real relationship was. I just knew that when I thought I met people that were right they werent so I stopped trying to meet people like that.

And then in one moment I realized that I didnt have to compromise at all. That I could have everything I wanted. That I did. I want to say I knew before this moment but I think that would be lying. I had known I liked you, obviously as at this point we were dating but I just hadnt thought about it. I didnt think oh hey you have someone that has everything you could have ever wrote on your checklist. It just was there. We were just something. And then you showed up with a dozen roses with thorns. The day was supposed to be about your family, about a wedding. And yet you showed up with roses because you knew the girls had just left hours before. You knew I was struggling. I didnt have to say anything. You just knew I needed something and you wanted me to feel cared about. And in that moment when I saw you at the door with roses I knew. I have everything I could have ever wanted. I never wanted roses without thorns, they feel too fake, they arent the whole thing. I just wanted something real and someone real to be with. And now I have a dozen dried roses that I may just keep forever.