I Can't Break If I Don't Bend

I hate this keyboard. Why am I working in an office with a ghetto keyboard that sounds like monkeys jumping on a bed with each keystroke? I dont even know. I wish I could make all of the rules in my department. I wouldnt allow them to hire slackers and I would actually enforce a dress code and I would make my employees show up for a least an honest amount of time. This isnt even what this post is supposed to be about. But as I typed the title I realize how awful this keyboard is and it brought me onto my work rant. End rant.

Most of my posts are inspired by lyrics. If you are bored this is a song worth listening to that has in fact inspired this. I am inflexible. Not in the physical way. Physically I can do the splits which apparently makes me flexible. So it is in the reality way. I do not like having to bend if I am the only one doing so. Compromise has to occur in more than one party of I become insanely stubborn. And I mean insanely. To the point where I argue things I dont care about just because I want equality and am tired of bending. I am completely aware that I am crazy.

This morning I am feeling this oncoming stubbornness. I feel like I am so willing to change all of my plans and not to put myself first  but I a may be quite alone in this. And if it keeps appearing so I will refuse to bend. I will become frustratingly inflexible because I feel like I may  be sitting on a back burner.

The world is spinning way too fast in reckless abandonment. 

You Brought Me Roses and Left The Thorns

When I first started writing in this context I had a very dear friend who was separated by two hands from me which is probably why we became so close. He had years of wisdom and life and we connected. As time progressed I wondered if I could ever find anyone more suited for me. He had everything I had ever looked for except for one thing. And everyone has to compromise. No one gets what their ideal. So I wondered if I should compromise. I mean our difference was religion. Nothing major right?

I soon learned that I wasn't sure I could compromise on that. I wasn't sure I could have everything but I thought that maybe I needed to not be feeling like I was arguing about my beliefs for the rest of forever. So I resigned myself to letting go and assuming I would have to dwindle my list of wants in a man.

I began to just date whoever. One thing in common is all that you need right? I dont think I even know what a real relationship was. I just knew that when I thought I met people that were right they werent so I stopped trying to meet people like that.

And then in one moment I realized that I didnt have to compromise at all. That I could have everything I wanted. That I did. I want to say I knew before this moment but I think that would be lying. I had known I liked you, obviously as at this point we were dating but I just hadnt thought about it. I didnt think oh hey you have someone that has everything you could have ever wrote on your checklist. It just was there. We were just something. And then you showed up with a dozen roses with thorns. The day was supposed to be about your family, about a wedding. And yet you showed up with roses because you knew the girls had just left hours before. You knew I was struggling. I didnt have to say anything. You just knew I needed something and you wanted me to feel cared about. And in that moment when I saw you at the door with roses I knew. I have everything I could have ever wanted. I never wanted roses without thorns, they feel too fake, they arent the whole thing. I just wanted something real and someone real to be with. And now I have a dozen dried roses that I may just keep forever.