Delusion of Reprieve

There should have been an ultimate feeling of reprieve but there wasnt, maybe because it wasnt the end. It was only the beginning of the end. So in my own way I embraced the reprieve or my delusions by picking up my favourite book, obviously where the title of this rambling came from.

It fascinates me in a tragic way. Human suffering is terrible, yet we can learn so much. Nothing I go through can even compare to Auschwitz. I wish I remembered that everyday. I also wish I remembered the lessons better. I somehow can selfishly compare my trials to theres, maybe in an attempt to connect, and only to try and learn, so maybe it isnt out of selfishness. I learn so much everytime I pick up the book though. I am sure my fellow train goers must think I am nuts the way I pore over it. I just cant help but understand, or at least try to, how they seeked for anything that would indicate that it wasnt that bad. They searched for any element of hope, only to have everything stripped away from them. Literally everything. They were left with nothing physical, nothing to hold onto, unless they had hope, unless they had something to live for.

I think that in those moments that seem darkest we are best to do that, to remember all of the things we have to hold onto. I will never understand their suffering or how anyone could bring it upon them. But I will never cease trying to learn from such experiences. So even though I delusion myself when the darkness envelops I am okay with that, it shows a common thread of humanity and reminds me to hold onto hope.