Hypsilophodon

Fact. The Hypsilophodon was a small and nimble herbivore. It had no armour or sharp fighting claws; so it had to run away for defense.

Things have been incredible lately. I feel on top of school, I have a boy I really care about in my life, I opened a beautiful package from my mother and I have some incredible friends in my life. But for some reason I am lying here feeling like a Hypsilophodon. I feel like I have no armour or fighting claws.

This goes both ways. Its a beautiful thing, but it is also terrifying. I feel like lately I have become more at peace. Less high strung. You know I used to be a lot more violent almost, in my attempt to avoid feelings I would come across more aggressive and be all "lets fight". When really I meant things like "yah I am kinda upset or emotional or whatever" and really needing to talk about something. So its beautiful thing that I have reached a point in my life where I am not so armoured and trying to shield my emotions and self to avoid being hurt. And my lack of fighting claws lately has led to more meaningful relationships and the ability to get to know people better. So my Hypsilophodon-like qualities can be useful.

But this sword of speech is double-edged. Due to my lack of armour and mad ninja-like fighting skills I am vulnerable. I think I realized this as the other night as I was talking about a foster sister I lost and I cried. And then tonight after talking to my brother and I cried again. As you held me two nights in a row while I let out vulnerability and realized that my armour was gone. Somewhere along the road I have learned to open up. I let out the things that are hurting or my fears. And the fact that my armour is gone is really scary. It means my heart is out there. I am putting my emotions and everything more on the line.

But I know that there are people around protecting me, it would be like having a gang of velociraptor friends sitting in the bushes just in case someone hurt me, you know- just waiting to stick up for me.

But sometimes I miss my old armour and fighting ways. Its a lot easier when you have a shield up.

I think that overall this is good for me. Opening up to Soph while we talk on our beds at night, or opening up to my boy when he can see that I am hurting, well they are both just good for me. Sometimes you have to lose the armour and allow yourself to become vulnerable if you want to let your relationships grow and learn who you really are.

So Hypsilophodons and I have a lot in common and I think I am okay with it, because I am gaining a better perspective on my own life and I am becoming a better person each time I shed my armour and connect with someone.