So I find it kinda hilarious and ridiculous that there is a dinosaur with an even smaller brain than the T-Rex and that they specify that its hands are larger. I think the real reason for my choosing of Giganotosaurs is because its different, something unexpected but not so far out there that you dont believe in it. Lately I feel like everything going on in my life is almost a little bit of a shock but still believable and real.
You know that feeling when you have been asleep or in the dark for awhile and you have to go outside or into the light and you have that shock, you want to turn back or just close your eyes because it is different and slightly uncomfortable. But the best thing to do is push on and let your eyes adjust to the light. I feel like that scenario is my current life situation. Things keep happening, that perhaps I walk into and I have to figure out how to deal with that shock or change.
The first change that sparked this spiral of growing up and walking into the light, occured last friday. I was ready to really figure out what I was going to do with my life. Graduation and the MCAT are only getting closer and I felt like it was really time to get a handle on things. So, being religious, I did the only thing I could do. I did my part and then put it all in God's hands and asked for his help and guidance. And my experiences that afternoon were glorious. I have always believed in God but there are those times when his love for me is just so reaffirming. So long story being made slightly shorter, I am sure I want to do Physical Therapy. Cool eh? I am really stoked about it. I just know that I will love it and be good at it so now its just working on getting into a school, which will be really hard, but worth it. So I have some direction. And in all honesty, it was hard to take a step back and realize that I might not have been on the ideal career path for myself. And it took swallowing my pride before I was even able to consider these changes but I am happy, really happy. Physical Therapy just fits me so well and so cross your fingers that this is that right path and that I get in somewhere. But yah, adapting to a change in my future life plans was worth the awkward uncomfortable feeling of facing the unknown and walking away from the only future career I had imagined. Sometimes walking into the light brings a lot more joy than you can imagine.
Friday was not just a spiritually reaffirming day and career altering day it also brought surprise and fear and pretty much every other emotion you can imagine. The boy that had made me so happy, but also slightly crushed my heart, and I had plans to just chill. I will admit I was as nervous as can be but excited, it felt like going to see an old best friend. You know, that person you know you can just talk to about anything, no matter whats happened. It was incredible. We just talked and laughed and read riddles, which was like a flashback of my whole childhood since my mother and I would read logic problems, whodunits and riddles every night when I was growing up. I cant explain it, and I dont think I even want to try to because when I close my eyes I can still imagine it. It was just one of those nights when you are happy. You feel comfortable and you laugh and you do ridiculous things but its all just great. And then as it all came to a close it became apparent that feelings hadnt really changed. Unfortunately it meant hearing hard things and talking about the break up and all of that, but ultimately it was what needed to happen. I went home scared, maybe even terrified, but also ecstatic, there was still something so real there. Its not often you meet someone that just makes you smile and that you feel like is a best friend no matter what.
(That paragraph was overwhelming me so I just started a new one). Well saturday came and went with reading childrens books, even with a random child. And I mean this is me, of course I loved it. Robert Munsch shaped my childhood with his works of literature. They are like pure magic. Sunday involved a walk, and for once me really bringing up how I felt. And I would say that it was then back to before, but it wasnt. It was better. Everything seemed more real. Maybe it was like we had gotten through a fight. I dont know. All I know is that yah I am scared. Relationships are so freaking scary. But I decided it was worth it. I would rather watch myself get hurt again and have this great experience than to just miss out on it all. You are worth it I guess is what I am saying.
For example, last night when we made smores and melted stabursts over candles and then painted dinosaurs, it was just perfect. Thats the way I like things. Simple and in its own way romantic. I know this is rambling and perhaps its went on for too long as I have went the long way around the point. You came back into my life, and it was more intimidating than that porch light after falling asleep on the floor but, like the warmth and the glow of the light, you drew me back in. And I would say its worth it. I like you.
So as the Giganotosaurus draws my attention with his peculiarly small brain I am fascinated with the turn of events in my life. I didnt expect to be taking a new path with my future and I didnt see you coming back into my life as more than a friend. But it all happened. And in my imagination the Giganotosaurus was simple yet happy, and thats how I feel.
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