The History You Didnt Take Because The History Is Just History

In some lines of work you have to take a history. To find out what has happened to be able to find out how to proceed. To be able to piece together everything. I am efficient at this. I know the order to do so. I can handle open and closed ended questions and responses. I am wary of the time and can do this effectively. However, that is in the form of work. It is not in life.

Life doesnt work that way. You dont take a complete history upon meeting. You have to piece together answers over a long period of time and then look at the picture. And some pieces will be missing, maybe forever, and maybe not. Unless all barriers are broken there will never be an entire picture. So its not the same. So in life sometimes you come across another piece and as you place it in you feel accomplishment, like you are building something. And some pieces are full of history thats dark and tainted, things you didnt want to know but realize you should know. Everyone has history, I just didnt know what yours was and somehow it hurt.

It makes me wonder if I should take a more thorough history of people sooner, prevent the surprises. This week has felt like an emotional roller coaster, but one thats in a nightmare because you cant control it and cant just get off. It doesnt just end after one minute of glorious horror. It just keeps going. I feel out of control. Like there is nothing around that I can just take charge of. Perhaps thats why I keep letting my phone ring without answering. Its something I can actually choose. Sorry if you feel shut out today, I just want to be alone.