Even Baby Dinosaurs have to grow up.

Its been awhile. I think I have just felt inadequate lately. Like a little baby dinosaur. Feeling like I have a role to fill but feeling to small, and insignificant. Feeling unworthy perhaps. All feelings that really should have just been shoved to the side. But in the cloud that my life was I just let them all in, and they broke me down.

It happens. Thats life right? But I am getting back up. I dont think mentally I wanted to acknowledge anything. Physically I had stopped eating. No food appeals to me, the thought of eating makes me want to vomit. So you would think being me I would catch on. Nope. Stress killed my appetite, my ability to enjoy food, it made me anemic and dropped my hemoglobin killing all my energy. And yet I ignored it. In fact I would have kept on going most likely but then it changed.

I have known for like a week or more that for some reason I could count on you, that I needed to just be able to tell you what was up. So I did. And I was so freaking scared. And then you were basically wonderful. The best perhaps. So thanks. I feel a lot better, people are right, talking helps a ton. You were supportive and understanding and you let me talk about it, and just say what I felt and that was okay. I almost feel like the conversation isnt over, it was a little interrupted. You asked at the end what I was going to do now. I dont know. But I couldnt say that, I know I need to just grow and learn but thats hard. So I dont know. see you soon?

The point is, like a little dinosaur, sometimes we dont know what we need. We are unaware of the signs thrown in our face telling us whats up. We just dont recognize them, or dont know what they mean. And sometimes it takes someone else to help you see reality. I guess today I found someone that saw my desperate need for coping, a need I didnt see. I feel like if I was a baby dinosaur I would have evolved a little today, and thats a joyful feeling.

ps. My life is really grand, I feel like my blogging has been an outpouring of my feeling broken, but I swear I am super lucky and my life is really super awesome.