I Walked Down the Aisle

It didn't hit til the morning of. This was quite likely going to be the only time I would ever walk down an aisle. I realized I had better get it right. I was worried I would somehow lose both rings as I was responsible for both until moments before. Or that I would trip or do something embarrassing. Nothing like that happened and I am pretty sure I nailed the day. Okay, I know I did. But I cant help to be a little sad I wont be the one walking down the aisle with everyone smiling and crying and watching. But I regress.

The day was beautiful. Jenn was the most beautiful bride you could ever imagine. And it wasnt because of the makeup or dress. I have never seen her glow in that way before. She looked elated. The ceremony was short and simple full of love and a few laughs, I better remember to teach her the difference between right and left. And I assume the photos look great because the backdrop was stunning but I really dont know. I imagine there will be several with my hair flying everywhere as the wind was insane but those can be deleted forever I am sure.

All that really matters is that the day went off without any drama that I know of, and the two lovers are literally in the honeymoon phase being the happiest people on earth. They met at the pool they worked at so on our way to photos we stopped there and I took this. (There would be more photos but I focused on keeping the dress from dragging in the dirt and dissipating any potential problems so I took no photos except for this). So here it is. It is okay to drool a little or be obsessed with how pretty she is.

Congratulations JP, and thank you for choosing me to be  part of this day. I love you.

I'm Just a Dog-Earred Page You Turn Back To

As we sat at the table and questions flowed so much poured through my mind. The questions were easy, I knew the answers. Only one was a stumbling block and they just moved on from it and didnt ask questions as would be proper when realizing the taboo subject of a non present parent comes up. Yet my mind was somewhere else completely. I couldnt help but think of how many other family things I had been to with you. In nearly a decade there have been a fair few. And I wondered if I was the only one that realized that. That was thinking of how long I have been around and how I continually appeared but in a non-existent role. I wondered if they knew this time it was real. I wasnt just that girl next door that actually lived ages away. That I was the one that would be at every family event for forever now. I suppose I still dont know my place. I get nervous I will say the wrong thing or not fit in in the world I so desperately want to be a part of.  So when it was like a dogs ears perking up when I realized what song was being thrown back to me as I drove last night I wondered if this was me. Was I just that person you turn back to because I have always been a marked page or am I really the only one that will matter forever now?

It didnt help when I dreamt about marriage after that. I have never been that girl to fantasize about a wedding or getting married. I knew one day it would happen but that was that. There was no other real thought process. But last night instead of dreaming of being murdered I dream that we had decided to get married and to just go for it spur of the moment and I awoke realizing I have changed more than I ever would care to admit. It feels like my whole world is hanging in the balance right now.